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In
Search of my Elusive Unicorn
For 30 years of my life I, Henry Blanko,
have been single, and so far I have not found Miss Right or who would be Mrs.
Blanko.
I
have decided to write an account of my search so that it may help other guys in
their search of their elusive unicorn.
The women I have dated so far have been
too hot and broken, or too cold and broken, but never just right, Miss Right,
my elusive unicorn.
Now,
not to be deterred, I am on a mission to find Miss Right, which I call my
elusive unicorn. Not an actual unicorn,
fu$$, they never did exist. When I speak
about my elusive unicorn, I am speaking of that almost perfect woman.
Maybe my unicorn is not the same as other
men’s unicorns. Maybe each man’s unicorn
is very different.
My elusive unicorn is a woman who can
finish my sentences, will back me in every single endeavor that I undertake, a
woman who likes rock n roll as well as country, and classical music. A woman who will sit in the park with me
listening to jazz, while drinking fine wine, and eating cheese, a woman who
knows exactly what I want for my birthday as well as Christmas.
She
should be a woman who can dress up and put all other women to shame or dress
down, but still looks great in a pair of jeans, shorts, and the ultimate in a
bikini.
She should
also be a woman who will make me feel very proud as we walk down the street or
enter a restaurant, a woman who likes football or will go to the museum of fine
arts, and a woman who is not afraid to try new things. A woman who can think on her own, think
outside the box and when I fail to find the answer, she will come to my
rescue.
A woman who is with me till the end and will
say it was well worth it. A woman who
knows exactly what kind of sex I desire, and will bring me to total climax, to
be completely satisfied.
Naturally,
if I can find my elusive unicorn I, on my part, will give her her heart’s
desire, constantly doting upon her, love her with every ounce of my mind, body
and soul, making sure that her life is perfect, and having her never say there
is a problem in her life.
I
will be totally dedicated to this woman, my elusive unicorn.
I will not be deterred, I will not be
stopped, I will complete my mission, and I will succeed in finding my elusive
unicorn.
I
know deep in my heart that she does exist.
I
would venture to say that less than one tenth of one percent of women may be my
elusive unicorn.
Some
stay single, some are gay, which means they are very, very rare and hard to
find, almost impossible.
Maybe finding a real unicorn would be
easier to find.
My friends, most are married, have to be
out of the loop. I know all of the woman
they would introduce me to, no unicorns here, some dogs, some trolls, some high
maintenance, some with loads of baggage, and some with broken brains, which I
call broken cuckoo clocks. The same with
my relatives’ friends, and I believe they know a lot of fucking cuckoo clocks.
The key is many, many dating sites, almost
all of them. I will sign up, and sign
up, and sign up. Days, weeks, months,
this will be my second job.
If
you want to find your elusive unicorn, you are going to have to work on it.
The
Sucking Beaver
After three weeks of weeding out the trolls,
dogs, and cuckoo clocks, I have finally chosen my first woman, Emma, who, by
all indications, may very well be my elusive unicorn.
Her
looks are in the ball park, which is where I hope to be parking mine, right
into her ball park.
Emma is educated and seems to have common
sense and, most importantly, a brain. Why have a woman who is good looking and
educated, if she has no brain. I believe
that would be like having a car without a steering wheel.
This is my first date with Emma, so this
should tell me a lot; at least I hope it does.
Maybe
Emma is my elusive unicorn and, after tonight, she will tell me to fu$$ off,
not like that hasn’t happened before.
Emma
is better in person, I believe she is my elusive unicorn, I can’t mess this up. I have to be just right to get this close to my
elusive unicorn and not net her; it would be the biggest fu##up in my entire
life. Even worse than the time I went
for my dream job with the top financial firm of Smith, and Smith.
Why the hell did I buy that hot dog from
that food cart? I knew, I was warned,
but I was hungry, so I bought a fu&&ing hot dog from a food cart and half way
through the interview it happened, I sh!! my pants, I fu!!ing sh!! my pants,
and had to burp, what a smelly fu!!ing mess.
I
know the side jokes now, sh!! man, poopy droopy, chief brown pants, fu!! it I
don’t care, like they never sh!! their pants.
Some
good did come out of it, I got some sympathy from the second largest financial
firm, Holland, Bitters, and Melrose, and now because they gave old chief brown
pants a chance I am one of the top ten producers in the field, and Smith and
Smith keeps approaching me but, fu!! them, they should have asked me if this
was normal or did I have a problem.
But, I can’t blame them, for the smell was
so bad, all five men who were interviewing me left the room gagging, never to
been seen again.
Sh!! in the pants is one of the worse feelings in the world.
Tonight
is the night and no fu!!ing hot dogs.
Emma, you elusive unicorn, able to hold an
intelligent conversation, and when you walked into the restaurant there was not
a man who did not turn and look. I would
bet that all of their co!!s were getting hard just looking at you.
Half way through dinner and, I believe, I
am holding my own.
Henry, don’t drink too much, don’t talk
about yourself, and watch your table manners.
No
burping, farting, or shi!!ing your pants.
When
the date is over, walk her to her car and say how about if I call you tomorrow,
maybe a kiss on the cheek, but why not her mouth? If I just kiss her on the cheek, maybe she
will think I am gay and that I just want a friend, but if I give her a small,
light kiss on her lips would that send a message that says I really want to
fuck your brains out, and I’m no gentleman?
Maybe just a hug, or how about a light hug
and kiss on her cheek? I have to watch
the hug; she may think that I am thinking; okay, now I have you in my grip,
next stop; balls inside your walls.
Maybe a handshake? Now that is really stupid, you hand job; that
says maybe I just want to be your friend, and I am gay.
I’ll play it by ear, see how she acts,
maybe I am over thinking this, maybe she will kiss me, or better yet hug and
kiss me, or even better yet, hug me and jam her tongue down my throat as she
unzips my pants and starts feeling old Henry Jr.
But
what if she shakes hands, that means she thinks I’m gay and so ends me netting my
elusive unicorn, sh!!, now I seem lost.
Dinner went great; I believe she will see
me again.
At
the car, go ahead stupid make the right fu!!ing move.
Henry,
what the fu!! are you doing? You are
hugging her, I believed you are fu!!ed, wait, no, she’s closing her eyes, her
lips are puckered, do it man, do it, kiss her you moron. A light kiss and no tongue, I’m passing, this
will end well.
What?
I believe her lips are parting, I
believe she wants to French, and thank God I had a breath mint.
My di!!, it’s awake, down Henry Jr., down!!, and at any moment she is going to call for help.
It’s
hard, really hard, must be a gentleman, must be a gentleman.
Can I call you tomorrow?
What,
why did I stop? Now she may think I’m
gay. This is it; I’ve lost Emma, my
elusive unicorn.
Wait,
she just told me that she thinks I’m a perfect gentleman and that other men
would have always tried, at this point, to hit a home run.
Henry, you smart SOB, you have a second
date, all is well and I am that much closer to netting my elusive unicorn.
So no sex, no great foreplay, no giving
and receiving oral and no fu!!ing, both soft and slow and hard and fast.
I’ll
take a nice long warm shower and Mrs. Rose and her four daughters can satisfy
me tonight.
My second date with Emma, my elusive unicorn;
I will once again be the perfect gentleman, and most likely go home with a very
hard cock, but I will have my satisfaction with Mrs. Rose and her four
daughters.
Emma is playing footsies with me under the
table. Does this mean she wants me to
fu!! her brains out? No! I will not be a dumb ass and mess my chances
up to finally net my elusive unicorn.
I must
be a perfect gentleman; I must keep this in front and foremost in my brain. Maybe if I continue to be a perfect gentleman
and continue to get to another base, eventually, I can get home.
Maybe that is the secret, with each date,
Emma will let me take another base, so tonight I should be at second, but what
if after the night is over I’m still stuck at first?
This can only mean one thing; Emma does
not feel for me as I do for her.
Maybe
Emma is a taker, a cock tease. She just
wants to be wined and dined, knowing I will never advance beyond first base.
So my options would be to just ask Emma if
she plans to take our relationship to the next level and stand the chance of
losing Emma or keep my mouth shut and
let Emma, who maybe a taker and a coc tease, to use me till she tires of me. Fu up options, there has to be another way.
I am getting to know Emma; I believe she
is the real deal, my elusive unicorn. I
wonder what she thinks of me.
Once
more at the car, I know that I can kiss her, fuck it; I’m going for her tits
tonight.
What? Emma has said on the next date I can pick her
up at her apartment. I believe it is
second base tonight; I am ready for tits landing.
Bucket
seats suck, a handful of t, they feel perfect, and what a nice size ni. Brain to mouth: prepare for operation t suck. Sweet, I have not sucked a nicer t; I think
Emma is turned on. I’ll try thinking,
mind control, Emma grab my co.
Fun’s
over, she wants to stop, I guess she is wet and knows if she continues, it will
be a home run for Henry Jr. and I.
So I
believe that is how it will be, I will advance another base with each date and the
beav hole is only two dates away. I
get to feel it up on the next date so I will be the perfect gentleman tonight.
I can’t stop thinking about our next date,
which is four days away, like a kid anticipating Christmas morning.
I’m going to feel Emma’s bea hole with
such care and gentleness, just slightly touching it, let her get into the mood,
let her be get wet. Then I will just
slightly touch her cl and when she starts to hump I will slowly insert my
finger until I hit bottom and take her home to a complete climax.
My net for Emma, my elusive unicorn, is in
place waiting to strike, it will not be long.
Once
more I am standing in the shower fantasizing about Emma, who is giving me the
best blo ever, probably the best blo in the history of blo. I say when not satisfied, mas and
fantasize.
This is it, the next date with Emma, and I
get to see where my elusive unicorn lives, maybe that will give me more insight
as to a way to net her.
Very
nice place, no clutter, and clean, which would make perfect sense for my
elusive unicorn.
I have dated women having loads of clutter
and even worse their places were unclean which, for me, was and is an immediate
turn off.
To
me, it says if you don’t keep the place where you live clean then how clean is
your bea hole?
Past
history tells it all; I once dated a nice and not too bad looking woman, but
her place was dirty, I was thinking about leaving when Henry Jr. arose and said
to my brain fu her and then let’s get the fu out of here.
You know, what the di wants the di gets, no matter how smart you are, no matter how powerful your brain is your
head between your legs will always win.
Okay,
I was hor and she had a nice set of ti, actually her body was great. If I had to rate it, it was a nine out of a ten;
her face was only a five out of ten. So I
was thinking if I lick her sna, this will go a lot faster and smoother.
What
a mistake. You know the saying—“Once you
get past the smell, you’ve got it licked.” I could not do it, her house was dirty and so
was her pu, it even made Henry Jr. go back into his shell. Without speaking a word, and half dressed, I
headed for the door and never looked back.
Believe it or not that woman called me
asking if there was a problem. To which
I replied, “If you don’t know what the problem was, then that is your problem.”
For
a week I smelled that dirty pu, vowing if a woman has a dirty place, they
most likely have a dirty pu, and to leave as quickly as if they have the
plague.
Which
means, with Emma’s place so neat and clean that could mean only one thing, her
bea is just as neat and clean.
After
our greeting, and a few kisses and hugs and a handful of Emma’s perfect ti,
we were off to the movies for this date.
After a stop at a nice pub, where the lights are low, the drinks are
strong, and the music is soft as to let you carry on a conversation, it will be
back to Emma’s place where I will bring her to climax.
The movie sucked, but only because it was
a chick flick. The pub was too crowded,
which made getting drinks near impossible but, thankfully, the night is not a
total loss, next stop; bea hole.
Back at Emma’s place, she can also pick a
very tasty wine, just another piece that says, Emma, you are my elusive unicorn.
What I did next seemed stupid but turned
out to be a smart move.
After I had Emma’s top off, I placed one
of her perfect ni in my wine glass and slowly licked and sucked the wine
off. What a turn on! Emma was starting
to move her a, as she wanted to hump.
I did what any other gentleman would have
done; I slowly moved my finger into place just as I had planned.
Touchdown,
homerun, score, the eagle has landed, one small step for me, one large step for
my finger!
My elusive unicorn was in feel good town,
she was panting, harder and harder, and my bo was about to explode.
Now Emma was on a wild ride which can only
end one way, an explosive climax, and when Emma did, I did also, right in my
pants, which is the second worst feeling, right behind sh ing one’s pants.
When
she finished, she accidently touched my wet c filled pants. Embarrassed, I said that I was sorry, and what
Emma said next made me know I had just netted my elusive unicorn.
“It’s okay, I am glad we could cum
together, I hope it will always be like this.”
Emma
had just said the second best thing to me; the first would have been Emma
saying that she loved me.
Well, at least there will be no
masing tonight.
Next
stop, balls inside her walls, homerun, fu city, Henry Jr. gets a tour of
Emma’s va, and if this could not get any better, she is going to make me
dinner two nights from now.
I
have to make sure my net is secure over Emma, my elusive unicorn; I will send
her roses tomorrow.
Houston we have no problems.
With roses sent and a hard di in my
pants, I am ready for Henry Jr. to pound the bea, drill the glory hole,
probe the moist cave and to explode with pleasures he has never felt.
To
use condoms or to not use condoms? I
know everybody in the whole wide world would say, safe sex is the only sex, but
we are not talking about a normal woman, we are talking about my elusive unicorn.
There is one chink in this scenario which
may make me use the old rain coat, which might be a good thing, if Emma does
not take the birth control pill.
Damn, that would be a small let down,
especially for Henry Jr. and that great sensation you always get by riding
bareback.
The
sacrifices you must make to screw my elusive unicorn but it is a sacrifice I am
willing to make, and if this goes like I believe it will, Emma, my elusive
unicorn, will be my wife, so there will be plenty of nights that I will ride my
elusive unicorn bareback.
Emma, you are the complete package, my
elusive unicorn.
Let me total Emma’s score; great looks,
great smokin’ body, a woman with a brain, a great personality, a great kisser,
and Emma can cook as well as my mom, which I never thought I could find, and
how did she know I like salmon?
Like
I always say, what goes with a great meal? Sex! Some
great fuing, and fuing, and fuing.
Emma lights some candles, and puts some
nice easy music on, what I would call romantic fu music, and as she sits, she
hands me another glass of wine.
I believe my elusive unicorn is ready to
be mounted, to be broken like a wild horse, and I am just the cowboy to do it.
After
about an hour of foreplay, and with me in just my Joe Boxers and Emma in her
leopard print thong panties, she leads me to her bedroom, into my elusive unicorn’s
lair.
I am ready, Henry Jr. is overheating, and
I believe Emma is ready.
Now the real foreplay begins, and as I
like to give my ladies full pleasure, I will send my tongue to lightly lick
Emma’s be lips, and slowly work towards the woman’s most sensitive spot,
her cl.
With
Emma really into this, I will give her full pleasure and bring her to an
explosive climax.
Score,
score, score!
Damn,
it happened again, I came. Sh, my c is all over Emma’s nice clean sheets. Maybe with her orgasm, she will forgive
me, or maybe she will think I am a freak, and tell me to hit the road, ending
my time with my elusive unicorn, all because Henry Jr. could not control
himself.
Emma, you understanding elusive unicorn,
all is forgiven, and as a bonus she has asked me to come over tomorrow. Sh, I have that evening business meeting
with a client.
Emma must really be into me, for she has
suggested I come over after the meeting and bring a change of clothes for the
next day; I believe I have just netted my elusive unicorn.
I’m tired, and here is Emma at the front
door handing me a glass of wine, this is the only way to come home.
Looks like my elusive unicorn wants to sow
some more wild oats, but I think Henry Jr. is too tired to play.
Henry
Jr., wake up, my elusive unicorn wants to play. Emma must really be serious, she is leading me
into her playground again.
Emma’s
spread eagle on the bed, she has requested me to do a rerun of last night. Henry Jr., looks like you can rest tonight.
Come morning, I have a hard di; Henry
Jr. is standing at attention, as he wants to go to bea town. Better get rid of this morning breath.
This is nice, Emma seems to be ready, and
so is Henry Jr. What she wants is yet
another rerun of last night?
Okay,
maybe she had not had sex in a long time, so once more I’ll lick and suck the
bea to Emma’s delight, then Emma will let Henry Jr. have his fun.
What the fu, Emma says she is late for
work, and tells me to lock up, poor Henry Jr., so hard, so sore. Well it’s shower time mas ting fantasy
for me.
After several weeks of sex, or should I
say satisfying or time for Emma, it became as clear as my nose stuck inside
Emma’s pu that this was it, this is how life would be, my lips and tongue
stuck inside of Emma’s pu .
After you strip away the layers of Emma, who
I thought was my elusive unicorn; she was only a giant su ing beaver. That is all she liked, me eating her bea,
minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. I felt like my mouth was stuck to her va ,
no release for me, it was all about her and that sucking va.
When
I finally told her I had enough, she said, “But that is all I want, and I know
you like it too.”
When I asked about my needs, she said that
it would be okay for me to ma while I eat her va.
“Really,”
was my reply? I think that she would
really be happy with some peanut butter and a dog.
I can mas on my own and feel much
more comfortable rather than having my face stuck inside a pu .
Several weeks later I did hear that she
bought a beagle.
And so ended the reign of the giant,
sucking
bea
My quest continues.
